My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
