Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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