i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
