My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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