Define "chronic" masturbator.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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