God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
