i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
FUCK WHALES
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize