i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
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