I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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