no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
