you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Randomize
