i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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