Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
