The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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