So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
