Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
