They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
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there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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