anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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