break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
she told me i tasted like america
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Randomize
