I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Randomize
