Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
