So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
