How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
