Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
