I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
we made out on top of his cat.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
you had me at cake vodka
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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