a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
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I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
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He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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