i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
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