I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
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