just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
