wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
