Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
