my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Randomize
