I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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