i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Come on in and take your pants off
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