My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
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I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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