Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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