Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
