I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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