my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
