We named our party play list daddy issues
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
