he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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