I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I look excited, but its just a facade.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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