I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
