Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
