just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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