I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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