I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
