News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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