Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
there was a trapeze. enough said
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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