You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
