getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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