Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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