Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
only you would photoshop your dick
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
