She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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