you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
