you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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