I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
