Im at strip club and am horny
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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