You don't have asthma, your pregnant
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
