Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
