Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize